Robotman. (the blog)

Looking back on my life, there appear to be three great ironies that define it:

1) I’m a cat person, but cat’s don’t seem to care much for me at all.
2) I have a beautiful singing voice, but hate all music.
3) There was also that 3 year typewriter-repair apprenticeship program I enrolled in shortly before the typewriter-repair industry collapsed.

Recently though, another incongruity has popped up: Although this blog has been a tumbleweed-strewn wasteland for much of the last few months, in truth I’m probably writing more now than I ever have been. For the last six months or so, once a week, every week, I’ve been posting on the Cracked blog with my thoughts on video games or recent episodes of Heroes. However in recent weeks, I’ve been covering less geeky, and more manly, bare-chested issues. I’ve managed to churn out some pretty interesting stuff too, if I do say so myself. They’re all linked below. Although some of the older ones are now comically out of date (Woo! Cloverfield speculation!) hopefully you’ll still be able to find some chestnuts contained therein.

Using the power of reason, I have deduced what the monster in Cloverfield is.

Macworld Rumour Update: Apple to release Apple branded products!

Nintendo Products to form the basis of a new utopic society

The 8 Awesomest/Stupidest Lego creations to cover appear on this blog

An idiots guide to Super Tuesday

eBay sellers furious with eBay, plan to stop using eBay for several hours

Now Hump the HD-DVD player!

Americans change religions approximately as often as they change long distance plans

Fucking military has fucking ray gun. Fuck.

Pedophilia is now a sin, so knock it off fellas

Cracked rates RateMyCop.com

Should Cracked boycott the Beijing Olympics?

Regular readers of Cracked will probably recognize this piece from a few weeks back: The 25 most insane protester signs. I don’t think I remembered to link it over here when it went up though. So I’m doing so now. It’s pretty good. As you can probably tell by the title, there’s lots of crazy protester signs, and also at least one floppy penis on display.

For those of you dieing for regular Robotman updates, know that I still post regularly over on the Cracked blogs every Tuesday morning. I’ll compile all the recent ones into a big link-dump here, but if you like reading your topical incest-jokes hot off the press, you should definitely head over that way for your fix.

Well hopefully everyone enjoyed my apparently annual tradition of “forgetting I run a blog” that seems to happen around here every December or so. My apologies. If it’s any consolation for you, I have managed to get all 120 stars in Super Mario Galaxy, and can now play many Guitar Hero songs on Hard. You don’t see that kind of drive and commitment towards video gaming in today’s liberal media.

While I get back up to speed with my writing, I’ll bring you up to date with everything I’ve done over on the Cracked blogs during the last couple months. There was a whole slew of posts in November and December concerning the last few episodes of Heroes, plus some insightful and semi-pornographic posts on the state of the video game industry. It’s all really cracking stuff, even if it is a little out of date. Whether linking it here two months after it was written is akin to “aging a fine wine”, or “leaving milk out to spoil” I’ll leave for you to decide.

Heroes Episode 9 Recap and Analysis

Heroes Episode 10 Recap and Analysis

Heroes Episode 11 Recap and Analysis

October NPD Video Game Sales Analysis

November NPD Video Game Sales Analysis

Powerful Men Have Decided You Shall Not Get a Wii this Christmas (I really liked this one, and it got a ton of comments. If you’re going to ignore everything here but one post, make this that one not-ignored post)

Ok, I probably should have linked this here when I wrote it back in December, but for anyone who missed it, here’s my most recent main Cracked article: The 6 Most Overhyped Technologies.

I don’t believe any of the information contained within said article is time-sensitive, although if that turns out not to be the case, I apologize for ruining your Christmas.

Continue To: The 6 Most Overhyped Technologies

Another main page Cracked article of mine has gone up, this time a thorough examination of the strangest toys I could find from across the globe. It’s called The 25 Most Baffling Toys in the World and I think you’ll really like it. People have been Digging the hell out of it all day, although that might just be because they’re trying to get into the good books of toy robot Jesus.

Continue To: The 25 Most Baffling Toys in the World

Hopefully all of you Heroes dorks have been following my regular updates on the show over on the Cracked blogs. For any of you that haven’t though, yet feel compelled to keep tabs on every single thing that I’ve been writing, there’s been three updates since I last rapped at you.

Episode 6 Recap and Analysis

Episode 7 Recap and Analysis

Episode 8 Recap and Analysis

I’m a little disappointed that I’m now a guy that takes notes while watching TV, which isn’t really where I imagined by life ending up. To be fair, up till about the age of 25, I was pretty sure I was going to be a freelance fighter pilot, so I’d already kind of set myself up for disappointment.

So my Heroes Episode 5 Recap went up on the Cracked Blogs Tuesday morning. A useful resource for Heroes nerds, and excellent link-bait for anyone looking for tasteful pictures of Scott Bakula in his ginch.

Continue To: Heroes Episode 5 Recap and Analysis.

As promised, my sequel to Insane Japanese Halloween Costumes has gone up for the year, cleverly titled “The 30 Most Unsettling German Halloween Costumes.” It contains 80% less latex costumes than you’d imagine.

Continue To: The 30 Most Unsettling German Halloween Costumes.

Last Friday I posted my thoughts on the September video game sales data in North America over on the Cracked Blog. For those of you that aren’t colossal video game nerds, this is a monthly ritual across the Internet. As there’s no bandwagon too big nor too small for Cracked to not clamber on board, we decided to throw our hat into the ring as well. If you’re so inclined, you should definitely go check it out.

Continue To: September NPD Analysis

So my latest Heroes analysis is up on the Cracked blogs right now. I managed to work in the phrase “leotard-clad ass kicking” which was immensely gratifying for me as a writer.

I’m also going to see if I can get my blog updates over at Cracked to populate in a sidebar over here, so I don’t have to make a new post every time. That will probably involve an RSS feed and Technology. I’ll see what I can do.

Continue To: Heroes Episode 4 Recap and Analysis